So my boyfriend and I decided to get married sooner rather than later. It's one of those don't ask, don't tell things. We had only dated for about six months, but we knew that we were right for each other and we didn't want anyone else.
Bad thing about this: after some deep conversations with my new husband, even though he makes me feel beautiful in every way, I found out that when we were first starting to hang out as friends, that he wasn't attracted to me physically.
Which on some level is not a bad thing, he saw me for ' me ' and fell in love with that person, and the physical connection came later.
I guess I just never wanted to hear that he wasn't attracted to me when we first met. I wanted to hear how cute he thought I was, or how I had beautiful eyes and a great bust line and an ass that he just wanted to smack! But I didn't count on him dropping a bomb on me. At least I know he loves me for me, and not because of some superficial BS.
We are living in separate places right now, simply because of money issues. Which is a terrible way to start a marriage in my mind. So, I get to go over to his one room apartment and watch him play video games most of the time and eat food that should be packed in a kids lunch box instead of going into my mouth.
I am in a rutt when it comes to my weight loss right now. On the scale I have lost 10 pounds, but I feel like it should be coming off more rapidly. I rotate my eating habbits in that sometimes I will go two or three days and just eat vegetables and then I will eat chicken or fish for a few days and back and forth and so on. I am not sure what I need to do right now to continue to lose weight, but as soon as it starts coming off in a more consisntent manner, I will let you know what I am doing!
Monday, July 21, 2008
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Thin is always in
There are many drawbacks to being over weight, besides the obvious health factors that go hand in hand with obesity. But thin people always seem to get these convenient little perks to their everyday life... "Thinconveniences", I like to call them that! This can be defined as the convenient things that a thin person can look forward to during their day!
Top Five 'Thinconveniences'
1: Their clothes fit - If you are naturally a thin person, who has never had to struggle with weight issues, I find it hard to imagine you staring at your closet wondering which item to pick that you are not going to have to see saw over your hips.
2: People think they are more attractive - If I am at a club or bar surrounded by thin women, even if they are ugly as sin, men are still going to look at them because of their bodies. Hey buddy, I'm cute, down right sexy if you take the time to look at me!
3: You get treated better - On more than one occasion I have been out in public and have had men hold the door open for the 'delicate little female' and then turn around and shut it right in my face. I'm overweight, not a troll, be nice to me too, asshole!
4: When people stare, you like it - As an overweight person, being stared at is almost taboo, but if you stare at a thin person, it is usually because you find them attractive, or they might have toilet paper stuck to their shoe! Either way, heavier people do NOT like to be stared at, and 9 out of 10 of my thin friends don't mind at all, because they have never felt the negative aspect of it.
5: You can eat all you want and not be a 'lazy pig' - People automatically assume that if you are fat, you eat all day long and do nothing but sit in front of the tv. I have several thin girlfriends who eat and eat and eat, never gain an ounce, don't work out and they have a desk job! Me - I can eat like a bird, work out 3 hours a day and lose only five pounds.
So these are the top five things that I would like to be able to say were convenient for me, but I will have to save them for my small counterparts.
Top Five 'Thinconveniences'
1: Their clothes fit - If you are naturally a thin person, who has never had to struggle with weight issues, I find it hard to imagine you staring at your closet wondering which item to pick that you are not going to have to see saw over your hips.
2: People think they are more attractive - If I am at a club or bar surrounded by thin women, even if they are ugly as sin, men are still going to look at them because of their bodies. Hey buddy, I'm cute, down right sexy if you take the time to look at me!
3: You get treated better - On more than one occasion I have been out in public and have had men hold the door open for the 'delicate little female' and then turn around and shut it right in my face. I'm overweight, not a troll, be nice to me too, asshole!
4: When people stare, you like it - As an overweight person, being stared at is almost taboo, but if you stare at a thin person, it is usually because you find them attractive, or they might have toilet paper stuck to their shoe! Either way, heavier people do NOT like to be stared at, and 9 out of 10 of my thin friends don't mind at all, because they have never felt the negative aspect of it.
5: You can eat all you want and not be a 'lazy pig' - People automatically assume that if you are fat, you eat all day long and do nothing but sit in front of the tv. I have several thin girlfriends who eat and eat and eat, never gain an ounce, don't work out and they have a desk job! Me - I can eat like a bird, work out 3 hours a day and lose only five pounds.
So these are the top five things that I would like to be able to say were convenient for me, but I will have to save them for my small counterparts.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
The beginning of my day
Tuesday 2.26.08
I started my day out at about 7 am. Waking up next to Daniel is always the best part of my day. I never thought after several failed relationships and one disastrous one that I could find myself being happy with such a sweet and simple man.
Why I am blogging: I got the idea from a friend of mine that I recently had the pleasure of taking an improv class with. Her name is Tiffany Christensen and she has just published her first book "Sick Girl Speaks". She told me that blogging helped her to stay on top of her writing every day. I hope to follow in her footsteps in that aspect at least.
What this is about: I have been over weight my entire life. Since childhood, really since before I could walk, I was heavy. The purpose of these journals is to show how childhood obesity and obesity in adulthood has affected my life, career, relationships, health, really everything that encompasses who I am and what I am about, it has all been touched and tainted in a way by my outward appearance.
I hope that in a small effort I am able to bring acceptance of self, and of others, to the forefront of relationships. People's first impressions of you always seem to matter, and when you are at an obvious disadvantage from the beginning, it takes twice as long to make a good connection.
This is the beginning: I hope to blog everyday so that I can compose my thoughts into a published work, and bring a little inspiration to someone out there that is just like me... until next time!
I started my day out at about 7 am. Waking up next to Daniel is always the best part of my day. I never thought after several failed relationships and one disastrous one that I could find myself being happy with such a sweet and simple man.
Why I am blogging: I got the idea from a friend of mine that I recently had the pleasure of taking an improv class with. Her name is Tiffany Christensen and she has just published her first book "Sick Girl Speaks". She told me that blogging helped her to stay on top of her writing every day. I hope to follow in her footsteps in that aspect at least.
What this is about: I have been over weight my entire life. Since childhood, really since before I could walk, I was heavy. The purpose of these journals is to show how childhood obesity and obesity in adulthood has affected my life, career, relationships, health, really everything that encompasses who I am and what I am about, it has all been touched and tainted in a way by my outward appearance.
I hope that in a small effort I am able to bring acceptance of self, and of others, to the forefront of relationships. People's first impressions of you always seem to matter, and when you are at an obvious disadvantage from the beginning, it takes twice as long to make a good connection.
This is the beginning: I hope to blog everyday so that I can compose my thoughts into a published work, and bring a little inspiration to someone out there that is just like me... until next time!
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